


The Right Place

by estriel



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 16:40:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18673495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: If anyone asked him, Javi would say that he and Yuzu are happy, and it would be the truth. But at times, Javi can't help but wonder if maybe they are in a relationship simply because they were at the right place at the right time. He wonders what his life would be like without Yuzu.





	The Right Place

If anyone asked him, Javi would say that he's happy, that they're happy, and it would be the truth. But at times, Javi can't help but wonder if maybe they are in a relationship simply because they have been bound by circumstance – thrown together because it was the right time, the right place.

Yes, watching Yuzu skate - or even do completely mundane things, really - makes Javi feel drawn to him, makes his heart beat faster, makes that sweet, warm comfort pool in his belly. The attraction is undeniably there, still - always. So is the love – Javi _knows_ he loves Yuzu. It’s obvious to him when he observes the deep level of caring he feels towards Yuzu, the need to take away every ache and worry, if only he could, and the way his days seem a little brighter, somehow, when Yuzu is around.

Still, he wonders, because how could it be that he found love so easily, so smoothly that he didn't even realize he was falling until it was too late?  
What if this is not how things are supposed to be but just - a coincidence?

The Olympics and his impending retirement provide Javi with the perfect excuse. How will it feel when he's not in Toronto anymore, not sharing ice and chasing a common dream day after day? Will they still be as compatible when the constant drive to better each other in competition is stripped away?

"I think I need a break," Javi tells Yuzu while they’re packing up his apartment in Toronto, putting seven years of life into boxes. The moment the words are out, Javi feels sick with himself, like he's putting Yuzu into a box as well, a memory he no longer wants to dwell on or carry forth into this new life that lies ahead. It is not like that, of course, he'll always treasure this man - his rival, his friend, his whole _life_ for years - but Javi needs to know what being without Yuzu is like, just to make sure.

"A break?" Yuzu is looking at him with a frown. Then the brief moment of puzzlement passes as Yuzu gets it. All light seems to go out of him.  
"Javi - why?" his voice breaks around the words, the pitch too high like it always is when Yuzu is upset.

"I just - " Javi forces himself to speak and voice the doubt that has been gnawing at him for weeks because Yuzu deserves to know. "I need to know what my life would be - could be - if it was only up to me."  
It's not all of it, but it's all he can do right now as he watches the Real Madrid jersey Yuzu's been about to fold into a box slip from Yuzu's slender fingers.

Yuzu looks at him and the pain in his expression lances through Javi. Then the shutters come down, nothing but cold steel in his eyes, and Javi knows that this is wrong. This is not what he expected. Tears, yes, but not the cold impassion Yuzu usually only reserves for battle.

"If that is what you want, Javier."

The use of his full name is like an ice-cold stab in the heart and Javi knows that he has well and truly fucked up.

Then Yuzu is gone, letting the door slam behind him as he leaves, and just like that Javi has it - his freedom to figure out what he wants from life. As he stands there alone in the deafening silence, Javi can't help but think that maybe he already knows.

 

*

 

Javi still decides to give it a try because if he doesn't, he might as well slice his own wrists with his blades. If he doesn't, he'll have hurt Yuzu for nothing, cut him out of his life for nothing but a moment of foolishness. The thought makes Javi want to throw up.

Thus he moves his life back to Spain. Spends time with family and friends. Throws himself into work - on his own show and on making connections that will serve him later, when time is ripe for the Javier Fernández Skating School he's been dreaming of. Javi even meets a girl.

And for a while, Javi almost convinces himself that this might work. That this might be _enough_. That maybe, like with Tracy's stroking exercises, something good will emerge if he applies himself.

Marina is... refreshing. She's quick to laugh and doesn't know a thing about skating, which also means she doesn't know about Yuzu, at least not at first. She certainly doesn't know about the nature of Javi's relationship with Yuzu. Her bubbly personality wins over Javi's parents the first time he brings her home for dinner and even Laura is sweet with Marina, even though she gives Javi a hard, knowing look as they hug goodbye. Javi's friends clap him on the back and comment on what a beauty he has snatched up the moment he returned home.

Everybody loves Marina. Everybody, that is, except Javi.

It _is_ nice. To go out in public and hold hands without fear of recognition or judgment. To have someone by his side without the constant knowledge that this is the person to beat the next time he steps onto the ice. It is nice, but it is not enough, or even close.

It's nothing like his stroking practice - no matter how many times he goes through the motions, things never snap into place. Instead, Javi just aches.

He aches for the challenge that Yuzu has always been, on ice and off. For the way they seemed to understand each other without words. As he touches Marina at night, her small breasts soft under his hands and her sweet scent filling his nostrils, he aches for the way Yuzu's body was nothing but solid, wiry muscle, for the way he never needed to be afraid he'd break Yuzu, even when they got rough with each other during sex. He aches for the fierce fire in those eyes that quietly challenged him even as Yuzu opened himself up, body and soul, while he let Javi make love to him. He aches, too, for the way Yuzu could take complete, unyielding control when he felt like it and reduce Javi to a quivering mess. He aches for the way Yuzu would smile as Javi begged him to please fuck him harder, over and over again.

It only takes a few months and Javi knows with absolute clarity that nobody - nothing - will ever be enough. Not after Yuzu.

 

*

 

Toronto welcomes him back with a cloudy sky and a wind that chills him to his bones. Javi hasn't missed this. But as he walks back towards Cricket Club, Javi cannot suppress the excitement bubbling in his belly. He's made his decision. Told Marina that he just couldn't do it, that he didn't - and could never - love her the way she deserves.

He's debated a hundred times since then whether to reach out and text Yuzu. In the end, he didn't because some things are better done in person.

When he steps into the rink, though, Javi's high hopes deflate.

It feels and smells the same - the benches he's sat on a thousand times lacing his boots, the mirrors and flags, the plaque of glory that lists his name alongside Yuzu's.

But it's not the same. It's not the same because when Yuzu spots him, he doesn't break into a blinding smile and squeal his name across the expanse of the ice like he used to do whenever they reunited after an off-season break.

Yuzu smiles, of course, keeping up appearances, and tosses a little wave and a 'hi Javi' his way. But the smile doesn't reach his eyes. These are as cold and hard as the ice beneath his feet.

 

*

 

It's late when they finally leave the ice, and Yuzu is on his way out before Javi has even taken off his skates. Javi curses and stumbles out into the hallway.

"Yuzu," he calls after his retreating form. For a moment, Javi fears that Yuzu will just ignore him. And okay, maybe Javi deserves that. Then Yuzu stops and visibly squares his shoulders before he turns to face Javi.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?" Javi blurts. "Please?" he adds quietly.

Yuzu considers him for a few seconds, face inscrutable. Then he sighs.

"Okay," he says.

Javi's knees nearly give out under him as relief slams into him with the force of a freight train.

"You can come to my place," Yuzu offers. "Mother is in Japan."

It's unusual. They almost always met at Javi's apartment before, unless Yumi had invited Javi for dinner. But Javi doesn't have his apartment anymore, just a temporary rental, and if Yuzu wants to take this to his territory, Javi can do that. Javi feels like he can – and will - do anything Yuzu asks of him at this point. He wants him that badly.

They're silent during the short bus ride that takes them to Yuzu’s building. Yuzu stares out of the window the entire way and Javi stares at him, his perfect skin, the freckle on the side of his neck, the way his hair is in disarray after practice. He sits on his hands to stop himself from reaching out to touch Yuzu, because god, he has missed him, and his eyes alone can't satisfy the hunger that's gnawing at the very core of his being.

As he watches, Javi notices the subtle differences he missed out on the ice. Yuzu's jaw is stronger than Javi recalls and his cheekbones jut out more sharply. It’s a shock to realize that Yuzu has changed in those months they spent apart. Javi feels bereft of something vital, something he had always taken for granted – he had not been there to note these changes and commit them to memory with his eyes, his fingers, his lips.

Yuzu's room has changed, too, Javi realizes when they arrive and Yuzu leads him in. Most of his posters are gone and Javi only spots one Pooh lurking up on a shelf. Most notably, though, the picture of himself and Javi that Yuzu had always kept on his bedside table is missing. It terrifies Javi.

"Want something to drink?" Yuzu asks as he tosses his bag into a corner.

"Coffee?" Javi asks. The caffeine might ground him.

Yuzu shakes his head. "Sorry. I don't have coffee since Javi left. Nobody to drink it." He shrugs. "I only have tea."

Javi feels his throat constrict. All these months he kept beating himself up over having cut Yuzu out of his life. It never once occurred to Javi that Yuzu might have cut him out, too.

"That's alright, then. I don't need a drink," he says weakly, eyeing his shoes. Then the words come tumbling out.

"I'm so sorry. I was such an asshole and I hurt you and it was the biggest mistake of my life." He stops, laughs dryly. "And that includes that combination in Sochi."

The joke falls flat and Yuzu lifts his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I - I love you." With that, Javi shuts up and blinks a couple of times to keep the tears at bay.

Yuzu's face looks as if it was etched out of stone.

"I was an idiot."

"Yeah," Yuzu concedes.

"I don't know what got into me," Javi says and hangs his head.

"Is always the same with Javi." Yuzu's voice is calm, but it cuts Javi like a knife. "Even shopping." A mirthless laugh. "Look at one thing, like it, then go to all other shops to compare and look for something _better_." The last word has so much bitterness and pain in it that Javi wants to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness - for causing this, for bringing all this extra suffering into Yuzu's life.

"I'm not a thing for Javi to play with," Yuzu adds quietly.

"No. Of course you're not. I - I am so beyond sorry. I will not play with your heart again." He draws a breath. "Yuzu, please. Can we maybe start over?" He sounds desperate. Good. He _is_ desperate.

Yuzu is silent. "Is not so easy, Javi," he says eventually and looks away.

Javi is stunned. He's not sure what he expected, but a part of him had been convinced that he could come back. That Yuzu would take him back.

Then it hits him and it hurts worse than the most horrible belly-splat on the ice. He can barely breathe.

"You don't love me anymore?" he chokes out.

Yuzu's eyes snap back to his and Javi can see some of the walls Yuzu has built around himself begin to crumble. His expression softens a fraction. "Of course I love you," he whispers.

Javi exhales, a shuddering thing that makes him feel wrung out. Then he's reaching for Yuzu's face, brushing his fingertips against Yuzu's cheek, the corner of his lip.

For a second, Yuzu leans into his touch. Then he pulls away.

"Forgiving takes time, Javi," he says. "Please go now."

 

*

 

When his phone buzzes two days later, saying simply 'coffee?', Javi drops everything he's doing and all but comes running. The message doesn't say where, but there is only one place they frequented during their years in Toronto when it wasn't Javi brewing his own coffee at home.

They talk - not of the whole mess Javi has created but of safer topics - practice, Yuzu's ankle, and Europeans.

When Yuzu let's him pay for his tea and gives him a smile that almost makes his eyes twinkle, Javi considers it a small victory.

They do this a few more times before Javi leaves Toronto, always meeting in neutral territory, always just chatting. It's not enough because Javi wants it all, _needs_ it all, but at the same time, it's more than Javi thought he'd get after that first night.

When Yuzu hugs him on his last day on Cricket ice, Javi could almost weep with relief.

 

*

 

Javi feels like shit. He sits in third place after the short program at Europeans and he feels old, weary and like he's running after an impossible fantasy. His last competition… and if he flunks, he'll always be remembered as the one who didn't know when to quit.

As always, it's Yuzu who saves Javi's ass, helping him find the extra bit of strength he needs to excel.

'I believe in you, Javi. Ganbatte!' It's a simple message, but it's also a challenge. I dare you to disappoint me, it seems to say.

Javi has missed this. There has never been anyone who could light a fire under his butt the way Yuzu can. He goes out and wins his seventh title.

And when his phone beeps that night after the free, saying merely 'Well done. I am proud', Javi feels like a thousand gold medals.

 

*

 

They talk regularly after that and Javi is grateful. Yuzu calls him to gripe about his injury, about still not being able to jump without painkillers, and while Javi appreciates being let in on the top-secret state of his health now that Yuzu doesn't need to beat him, a part of him almost wishes he didn't know.

He's terrified for Yuzu, so much he almost tries talking him out of competing at Worlds. Almost, because he knows Yuzu and how much this means to him, especially since Worlds is in Japan this year. And so he just listens and offers his advice - on the stupid Salchow that has been bothering Yuzu, on managing the pressure, even though it feels ridiculous that Yuzu should want his help with that, always the more experienced of the two of them when it comes to shouldering expectation.

And when Yuzu breaks down one day and cries into the phone, Javi listens to that, too, and then tells him that no matter what happens, there is happiness waiting for him down the road.

"Always so wise, Javi," Yuzu says, voice still thick with tears.

"Not always," Javi admits. "I was pretty stupid when I thought I could live without you."

There's silence on the other end of the line and Javi curses himself. He probably shouldn't have brought this up now.

"I miss you, Javi," Yuzu says after a moment. There's a wistfulness in his tone that reminds Javi of _before_ , when they were each on their own busy schedules and keeping in touch over Skype between competitions.

"I miss you, too. So much."

 

*

 

Javi goes to Saitama. Not because he needs to, because strictly speaking, he's still got a bit more time before the shows begin, but because he wants to be there for Yuzu's comeback.

It's the sal that betrays Yuzu in the end, and somehow, Javi feels personally responsible. It was always his jump, _their_ jump.

When he's knocking on Yuzu's hotel room door after the short program, Javi isn't sure what to expect or what to even say. They usually stayed away from each other during competition, waited till the skating was done so as not to break their focus, but this is different. Javi is no longer an opponent. He's no longer Yuzu's boyfriend, either, he thinks bitterly, but he still hopes there's something he can offer Yuzu.

"Javi." Yuzu's face is tired when he opens the door and Javi can see the lines between his brows. He bets it's from frowning too much, from squinting at a screen too long, reviewing the mistake he made earlier that night.

"I'm here," Javi says, stating the obvious before he realizes how stupid that sounds. He corrects himself: "Here for you, I mean. If you need - whatever you need."

Yuzu looks at him a moment, then steps away from the door, making room for Javi to enter.

Javi immediately notices the laptop, the video paused mid-jump. "Don't do this to yourself," he says gently before he walks over to the bed and places his hand onto the computer. He glances back at Yuzu. Yuzu nods and Javi snaps the laptop shut.

"I can't believe I did that, Javi!"

It's an unexpected outburst, and Javi notes the sheer frustration radiating off of Yuzu, the barely contained anger.

"Stupid mistake," Yuzu groans, then drops down onto the bed. "I come to win, everyone expect me to win, and I fuck up." He punches the mattress. "I disappoint everyone. I fail."

Then the tears come, rolling down Yuzu's cheeks, and a sob tears through his body.

Javi doesn't know what to do, what he's allowed to do, where the boundaries lie at the moment. But he can't just stand there and watch Yuzu fall apart like this, so he lowers himself onto the bed beside him and pulls him into an embrace.

"You did not disappoint anyone, cariño," he mumbles against Yuzu's hair, the familiar endearment coming to him unbidden. "You have not lost, either."

Yuzu gives an exasperated huff at that.

"I know. I _know_. But there's still the free. You will go out there the day after tomorrow and skate the way only you know how."

Yuzu is curling up against him, fingers clawed into his back almost painfully, but Javi doesn't care.

"I know you can do it. You are the best, Yuzuru, and everyone knows it. They love you."

Yuzu sniffs loudly.

"I love you," Javi says, his heart hammering. He feels vulnerable, unsure of whether he's taking this too far, too soon. When Yuzu doesn't react other than to exhale against Javi's neck, he goes on. "You can do it. You are the strongest person I know. Te amo tanto, mi vida, and I know you can do whatever you set your mind to."

He punctuates his words by placing a firm hand against the back of Yuzu's neck. He let's it slide down onto Yuzu’s shoulders and starts rubbing circles into the tight knots he finds there.

When Yuzu's breathing finally evens out, Javi loosens their embrace and looks at his face. The dark eyes are blazing with determination once again.

"Arigato," Yuzu says. Javi takes that as his cue to leave. There's practice tomorrow, and Yuzu needs his rest.

 

*

 

Javi hasn't been this nervous during a free skate since his early years on the senior circuit. Still, he forces himself to sit in the arena, hoodie and baseball cap in place to avoid instant recognition, and watches Yuzu skate.

It's glorious, despite the damn Salchow. When Yuzu strikes his final pose, Javi is up on his feet with the rest of the audience, cheering and bursting with pride, even though he suspects it won't be enough for gold. It doesn't even matter to him, though. For Javi, Yuzu truly is the best. He always has been.

 

*

 

Javi is in bed, debating whether to text Yuzu and what to say if he does, because he knows 'congratulations' won't sit well with him, when there is a knock on his door. He hasn't ordered room-service, and not many people know he's even here, so Javi is not all that surprised when he answers the door and finds himself face to face with the newly crowned World Silver Medalist.

Before he figures out what to say - it's even harder in person than deciding what to text! - Yuzu's stepping past him into the room. The moment Javi closes the door, Yuzu's lips are on his and Yuzu's hand tangles in Javi's hair.

Javi moans and opens his mouth eagerly, feeling a sharp wave of arousal when Yuzu's tongue slides against his. It’s been too long. Yuzu kisses him - impatiently, hungrily - until Javi is out of breath. When they part, Yuzu’s eyes are like wildfires.

"Are you okay?" Javi asks because he knows Yuzu and he knows how much the defeat must sting.

"Hai," Yuzu snaps, then makes quick work of Javi's t-shirt and pulls his own off right after. He places his palms against Javi's chest and pushes him backwards, step by step, until the backs of Javi's knees hit the bed.

They tumble down onto it, with Javi sprawled on his back and Yuzu on top of him, kissing Javi's neck. It feels so good to have Yuzu here like this after all this time that Javi doesn't even mind the sharp pain that jolts him when Yuzu bites down a bit too hard. Whether it's by accident or on purpose, Javi doesn't know. He doesn't care.

Yuzu discards Javi's pants next, then pulls a small tube out of his pocket and lays it within reach next to them. He then shucks off his own pants, along with his underwear.

Javi takes in the sight, his lover's perfect body, in places now even firmer than he recalls, and the craving is suddenly too strong to resist.

"Can I blow you?" he asks hopefully and reaches between them to touch Yuzu. He gives him a light tug. He wants to taste him, make him unravel with his mouth and tongue.

"No," says Yuzu sharply and grabs hold of Javi's wrist. He pins it against the bed above Javi's head. Javi knows he could try to push it, wrestle for it the way he sometimes likes to do with Yuzu, just for fun. But the look on Yuzu's face stops him - it's a version of the death-glare Yuzu often displays on the ice when he's ready to completely unmake the competition. It's the sexiest thing Javi's ever seen.

"No, you can't," Yuzu grinds out, rubbing his hips against Javi's.

Javi just nods and lets his thighs fall open for Yuzu, wanton and not even ashamed of it. It's hardly the first time for Yuzu to take him down this road, but it's not how things usually play out between them, either, making it all the more special for Javi whenever they do.

"You okay with this?" Yuzu asks, double-checking as he always does.

"Yes. Yes please," is all Javi has the brains to say because Yuzu’s erection is hot against his, and he can’t think straight anymore.

Yuzu nods and slicks his fingers with lube, then proceeds to slowly, oh so slowly pry Javi open.

"Please," Javi begs again when Yuzu's still teasing him with his clever hand what feels like an eternity later. The friction is just enough to drive Javi almost to the brink of orgasm, but not to push him over. "Please, Yuzu."

Yuzu smiles, a predatory one, and mumbles something in Japanese. He leans forward, forearm against Javi's throat, cutting off his air.

"Never. Do. This. Again, Javier Fernández," he whispers into Javi’s ear as he pulls his fingers out of Javi.

Javi's head is spinning, both from the thrill of being dominated like this and from the diminished flow of oxygen that is making his nerve-endings feel like they are on fire.

"Never again," Yuzu repeats and pushes into Javi all in one go, releasing the pressure on Javi's throat as he does.

Javi's world reels. He closes his eyes and takes a few quick, shallow breaths. Yuzu gives him a couple of seconds to adjust to the sudden sensation but not much more. Then he is moving, fast and merciless snaps of hips, and all Javi can do is cling to him and moan with each stroke.

It's too much, the fullness, the pleasure dancing along his spine as Yuzu finds the right angle and hits his prostate, over and over again, the scent of Yuzu all around him - finally, finally!

Javi feels like he's going to break apart. The words that flow from his mouth are half-unintelligible mumble, half Spanish obscenity, but they seem to egg Yuzu on, making him go harder and faster, and Javi loves it.

When he finally comes, it's with a hoarse shout of Yuzu's name on his lips and absolute certainty that this right here is exactly where he is supposed to be. This, what he and Yuzu have, is not a coincidence, not a collection of circumstances, but a deep, irrefutable truth.

 

*

 

Javi is smiling. Yuzu is curled up in his arms, head resting against his chest, peaceful and sated and so, so precious.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to walk tomorrow," Javi chuckles, threading his fingers through Yuzu's hair.

Yuzu smirks. "Had a lot of kuyashii," he says cheekily. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," Javi laughs. "You were perfect. You are perfect."

"Not so perfect in competition," Yuzu grumbles.

"You'll have to practice hard," Javi teases. He can feel Yuzu nodding against his chest. " _When_ your ankle is healed!" he adds sternly.

"Hmm. Lutz. And Axel," Yuzu muses.

"Quad Axel, huh?" Javi asks, amused. That has been the object of Yuzu's desire for a while now.

"Javi don’t think I can do it?" Yuzu asks, raising his head to look at Javi. Sometimes he's so predictable.

"Yuzu," Javi says, running a thumb along his bottom lip. "I saw you almost land one a year and a half ago." It was a magnificent beast, too, despite the botched landing. Javi was jealous of the air time - it looked like flying.

"I'm sure you can do it," he says, then pauses. "Can you?" He's curious. And no longer a competitor to hide things from.

"Yes," Yuzu preens, the smile on his face radiant. "Two, three in five."

Javi whistles, impressed.

"Before stupid ankle," Yuzu adds darkly. "Could do three in five when Javi was being idiot in Spain."

Javi kisses his nose. "Well, then let's see what you can do with Javi cheering you on."


End file.
